A number of really funny jokes have cropped up in posts recently and I thought it would be nice to start a thread just for jokes.

Here's one to start off.

An indie film had just started filming when both the director and producer fell ill. No one wanted to take over, but the boom op's arms were already tired, and he thought that he'd like to sit down for a change.

For the next 4 weeks the shoot went well, and at the wrap party the sound mixer bumped in to the former boom op and asked him where he had been for the last 4 weeks.

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That's so funny, it's a shame that I can only vote once! –  Iain McGregor Sep 24 '11 at 18:41
Ah, that's beautiful! –  Joe Griffin Sep 24 '11 at 19:27
He's a good friend of mine we graduated together and this is classic "him" :) –  Stavrosound Sep 25 '11 at 2:36
well i guess his dream came true: <a> guardian.co.uk/music/2011/oct/06/danger-mouse-album-film <a> –  Arnoud Traa Oct 12 '11 at 11:19
actually this deal really sucks. Usually you get a free copy of the film as well. –  Markus Jun 20 '13 at 10:26

Here's a few I remember:

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A Flat Miner!

Why do sound guys say "Check, One Two, One Two"

Because on three, you have to lift!

How many freelance sound recordists does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to change it, and five to stand around saying "I was offered that job."

How many sound mixers does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but only after the airplane is gone.

How tall is a sound mixer?

I don't know, I've never seen one stand up!

Difference between a toilet and a sound mixer?

A toilet only has to take crap from one ahole at a time!

What is the difference between a producer and a chimpanzee?

It's scientifically proven that chimpanzees are able to communicate with humans!

Why is a concert grand better than a studio upright?

It makes a bigger kaboom! when dropped off a cliff!

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Not really sound, but i say it on sets a lot

How many cigarettes does a DP smoke a day?

One.

Why?!!!

It takes him all f$%&$n day to light it.

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Ooh, that one is classic. –  NoiseJockey Oct 11 '11 at 17:24

Damn. All I've got is a dubstep joke.

KNOCK KNOCK.

Who's there?

BOB.

Bob who?

BOB WOB WOB WOB WOB

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Speaking of dubstep: explosm.net/comics/2565 –  Roger Middenway Oct 7 '11 at 22:18
Ha ha, genius :) –  Justin Huss Oct 8 '11 at 0:26

Two boom ops and a production sound mixer get into a car. Who's driving?

.....

The cop. [rimshot]

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Where do Sound Engineers go on holiday??

Patch Bay.

(Full props go to Tarek Musa for this joke)

Cheers

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...and then I said "Dither? I just met her!"

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What's the frequency Kenneth?

Everybody Hz

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How do you call a musician without a girl friend? A homeless. ..

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Paul's Extreme Time Stretch will give you an orgasm that can last for days.

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How many music producers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know what do you think?

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There's a similar one involving inexperienced directors. Anyone who has ever worked on a student film set (or some Craigslist jobs) will agree. –  Sam Ejnes Feb 19 '13 at 5:44

What did the sound designer tell their child when they brought home a bad grade?

No gain no pain!

sitcom laugh track

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When setting up complex mic arrays it's important to get everything at the same height. I use a drummer, when the stage is level the drool comes out both corners of his mouth.

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What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? –  Utopia Sep 28 '11 at 1:16
why does a drummer leave his sticks on the dashboard?...handicap parking. –  Shaun Farley Sep 28 '11 at 2:20
1. "How is acoustic in your studio?" "Don't know. Bring your own."

2. Band was going to play a gig at the local sports center. They asked what kind of acoustics the place had. They were answered that after wrestling events it was bad but once windows are opened it will get better.

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A blonde and a brunette are waiting in line for an audition.

The brunette turns to the blonde and says, "I'm going to f&^% the director for this job. And maybe the producer. Who are you going to f&^%?"

The blonde turns to the brunette and says, "I'm going to f&^% the sound guy."

Brunette: "Why are you going to f&^% the sound guy? He doesn't make decisions on who gets what part..."

Blonde: "Well, it's the most common advice everyone gives me when I'm on set. Everyone is constantly saying "f*&^ the sound guy".

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How do you get a bass player off your front porch? Give him a tip

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A musician sitting at the doctors : "You only have one month left to live." - "Yes, but from what??"

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Just came up with a really lame one.

He's not stereotypical. He's surroundotypical.

Face palm.

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Why Does a music producer call his first child 'bass'?

because no one will complain when he drops it.

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Knock knock.

• Who's there?

Foley guy.

• Foley guy, who?

Ding dong!

( still working on this one :P )

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How about: <Knock, knock> Who's there? QUIT TALKING WHILE WE"RE ROLLING! –  Steve Urban Feb 19 '13 at 1:39

I have a foley joke which is more of a one liner than a set up scenerio.

"Foley artists get to do everybody"

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How does a sound tech say good bye?

"Audios!"

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